To many women the loss of your breast would be so huge, not for me. Maybe it was the fact I always wanted bigger ones or maybe it was the fact that Life is so much bigger than a pair of breast will ever be.
I was told over and over I didn't have to have a mastectomy, I could go with the lumpectomy. I was told why not just take the one? But why! My breast let me down! They were the keeper of this thing that invaded my body, invaded my life, I wanted them gone!
The morning of my mastectomy seemed surreal. My husband and I drove to the hospital where we meet his sister, her husband and his mom. They all spoke to me while we waited but I couldn't tell you a word that was said. They called me back, it was time. If you have ever had surgery you understand, if not then let me explain...you have no time to worry, no time to stress once you are in the room.
They had me changed, IVs in (which FYI mastectomy means IV in neck or foot I picked foot but I don't recommend either!), and into the operating room like a flash of lightening. All I remember is the doctors joking with me about how fast it would take me to be out honestly I don't think I made it past the calming meds.
After 5 long hours of surgery I was awake. I am so thankful it was me sick and not Patrick cause there is no way I ever could have sat for 5 hours while he was in surgery. How he managed that I will never understand! He was outside when I woke up so they grabbed my sister in law to come back instead. I woke up somewhat, very drugged, and asked what time it was, and said "Oh No I'm missing my soaps" and then I was out again.
I was incredibly sore the pain was unreal. Eating was a task that was not going to happen, neither was walking, going to bathroom, speaking or staying awake. I stayed that night at the hospital in pain but the next day I was much better and by that night I was roaming the halls and ready to go.
Before I came home they unwrapped the bandages and showed Patrick how to care for the incisions and drains. They showed me with a mirror what it looked like. Whoa! That's all I can say. I thought I was going to get through this without caring about this loss, I was so very wrong! They were gone and in replace of them were giant scars across my chest. I held it together and not one tear fell but inside I was horrified! How could my husband ever find this attractive? How could he ever look at me the same again?
No comments:
Post a Comment