Going From What If To Those 3 Words!

After my mammo I was sent to UVA to the breast clinic.  It took several weeks to get in, not so much because of my age this time but just because of how busy they were.  UVA obviously is a teaching hospital!  The first person I meet while there was a med student.  I must admit she was adorable, she looked 12 which is saying something because even though I was 26 I looked as if I was skipping school to come to this appointment.  When she came in the first time, she said nothing!  She looked, she turned around and walked out.  OKAY?  Then she came back in the room and looked at me, asked "Are you Janna?" ... Yes~ "Do you know that you are only 26"... OK at this point my patience had worn thin and my smart ass side was coming out in full force....NOPE I forgot how old I was...and then as if all these dumb questions weren't bad enough she then says "do you realize this is a breast clinic?" ... NO WAY ...SHUT UP!!! 


I understood she was young, she was in school, and all her education involving breast cancer to this point was text book but please schools teach these nursing students and med students life is not text book!  The doctor finally came in and he showed no shock at my age, I immediately felt at ease with this doctor and knew I was in the right place!  He did an exam, and then sat and told me he had reviewed my ultrasound and mammo and the radiologist findings.  He told me he didn't like the way this looked or the way this felt!  He wanted me to have a biopsy right away. 


There went the air again!  At least this time I was smart enough to have my husband by my side. 


Waiting was horrible every minute was forever! The day of the biopsy was a long one....I had a breast biopsy and  a needle aspiration on my lymph nodes.  And then there was that waiting again....


Once the results came back we headed back to UVA to hear what the findings were.  That adorable little med student came in first.  She had on her doctors coat, a mini skirt, and knee high boots!  She was chomping on her gum like a cow, and twirling her blonde hair.  Thank god for some small humor in serious moments!  She was as perky as all get out, almost giving me a sense of false hope!  Then out of her mouth just like she was asking what we were doing for dinner she says "So did they tell you your results?" we told her she was the first to come in and she responds "whelp you have cancer, we aren't sure what type but its cancer." She told us she would give us a few minutes before coming back with the doctor. 


When she left I literally laughed!  Did she just blurt it out like that?  Finding out the worst news of my life may have been the most humorous of my life!  The doctor came in and we didn't act as if we knew, we were well aware she was not supposed to share this news with us and especially that way!  My doctor explained further that they were running some more test to ensure it was cancer and not hotchkins disease.  He told us to hope for breast cancer. 


I did get a phone call late one evening from my doctor saying that it was breast cancer, it had not spread, all lymph nodes were clear.  We would now have numerous doctors appointments meeting with my surgeon over and over, plastic surgeon, and cancer psychologist.  Then there were the decisions of mastectomy, lumpectomy, what kind of reconstruction, TRAM, implants, where to have chemo, do we do radiology.  At this point nothing was clear my head would spin. 


My first surgery which was my first ever was a Sentinel Lymph Node Mapping.  It was kinda cool!  What it does is checks for further cancer spreading which so far things didn't look as if it had.  The cool part is you turn blue!  The first day you go in and get radioactive blue dye, the second day they do another biopsy and this time they would actually remove lymph nodes. 


The surgery went well, they removed two lymph nodes to check and I only had a few days of waiting for these results.  I was so sore, I never realized how much you use your arm pit in daily life.