Because sometimes Tomorrow Never Comes

You always hear it... "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today" but how many of us do it...

Sometimes its something little buying milk, getting an oil change, or stopping by the post office its when you put off the big things that your life can be alterated forever.....

It's putting off a visit, a phone call, mailing a card.... or saying I love you! 

And sometimes "Tomorrow never comes"

For me right now this is my reality.  Being adopted is a curse and a blessing... you always wonder what would my life have been...but you also wonder what would I not have. 

I love and respect my adopted family, they made me who I am!  They gave me the life I had.  They sat with me when I sick, held me when I was scared, wiped tears, laughed with me and at me.... They were at school and dance recitals.  I can not imagine my life without the Fenske, Johnson, Ford and Allwine's but I would be lying if I didn't say that practically every day since I was 7 years old and learned I was adopted I didn't wonder....How would life be different...How would I be different...

This went deeper at 15 when my Daddy made a huge sacrfice and made it possible for me to learn more about who I was and where I came from when he put me in touch with my birth family.  Meeting the Covert family changed me forever! 

For the first time I knew where my eyes actually came from...before this I thought these baby blues came from my Husky after all she was the only one in the house with blue eyes.   I learned where my poofy hair came from, where my biting my lip came from , my laugh, how I sit, my shortness, and so much more....

But with this also came me realizing what I missed out on as well. I felt welcomed with open arms but also like I was sitting on the outside looking in.

Sadly I let this all get in my head and kept myself kinda in a protection bubble from feeling this way and with this I lost a lot time. I didn't feel like I could call up and say nana I want to come stay for a week! I didn't know what to say when I called! I just didn't know where I fit in the puzzle of the family!

Then poppy got sick... Very sick....

You would think I would have woke up and got over myself and my reservations, fears and my own paranoia but I didn't! When I was sick nana and poppy were there for me but while poppy was sick I let him and myself down....

Now he's gone and with out me saying the 3 most important words to him one last time!